“Why can’t I stop this habit?” The answer I got was that my reality reflects very old decisions that compel me to be someone I don’t like. These decisions were based on wrong conclusions reached in early childhood about myself, others and life in general. Even though I don’t remember them, they continue to influence my psyche and create habits of behavior. A good example of that is that as a young child I learned very quickly that in order to receive my parents' love I had to say and do things that would please and impress them. Though I am no longer a child and I no longer live with my parents, this habit stayed with me throughout my adult life. I did not notice it until it was pointed out to me. 

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When I made any new decisions I noticed that I became more aware whenever I returned to my old habits of behavior. Then I found myself resisting and judging my old behavior and was unable to overcome it. So I adopted the attitude of patience and compassion towards myself and accepted my failures as part of the process of change. I continued to adhere to my new decisions and then noticed that when I accepted my failures I continued to improve. Gradually I found myself living more and more in alignment with my new choices and my new image. 

 

The following are 3 examples of the many new decisions I made throughout my life. I must say that though some took longer to implement, once they became habits, my old habits fell away, my life became much richer and easier. Over time, any of my new decisions took less time and effort to implement.   

1. I made a decision never to lie again. I was surprised to find myself still lying every day. It took me a while to remember that at a very young age I made a decision never to tell the truth, because when I was truthful, I was punished, rejected and ridiculed. This old decision was still there running me, that is why my new decision could not take hold.  Decisions are very powerful even when we don’t remember having made them. Unless we become aware of them they continue to create our reality.

2.  I made a decision to stop complaining. Then I discovered that I complained almost constantly, if not outwardly, internally between myself and I. This habit I adopted during my teens from my environment - from the people I lived with at that time and from friends and neighbours. To overcome this habit I tried to find things in my life that made me happy and feel grateful, and soon I experienced change. 

3. I made the decision to eat only healthy, nutritious food. Though I was able to maintain this for long periods of time, I did stray at times. Still I was able to return to my healthier routine easily and quickly. Perhaps because I was sick and tired of feeling sick. 

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All in all, all my efforts paid off. Every effort was worth it. I felt calmer and more secure once I saw that I could replace my bad habits with good ones. You can do the same if you wish. All you need is faith and patience. Don’t give up on yourself. If I could do it, so can you. A good example of a common problem that many people have is overeating. The consequent result is over weight, tension and misery. Suppose you find yourself not liking the way you look and feel. You then decide to stop eating at night. Nevertheless you  continue to eat at night. Then you ask yourself, how or when did you adopt this habit. Then you remember that as a child you looked forward to the evening meals with your family because that’s when you felt the most love and joy. So in your mind you hold the belief that food equates love and joy. Then why would you want to give up these good feelings? But now, as an adult, you experience love and joy while doing ordinary things like:  planting a garden, listening to birds singing, dancing, swimming or riding a bike and so on. And yet this old belief from your childhood still compels you to look for love and joy mainly through food, which prevents you from living where you are in the present.  

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• The following wheel is a short version of the process of change. Keep in mind that some habits are more difficult to overcome when you are surrounded by people who do the same. It is natural to want to blend in, nevertheless, you have to decide that your happiness is more important than blending with everyone else.   
   

3 important points I want to emphasize that helped me overcome my bad habits:

First, I had to remember my old beliefs and the consequent decisions that followed them.

Second, I had to stop judging and blaming myself for my wrong behavior and treat myself
with compassion.
Third, I had to be patient and consistent while implementing my new decisions. 

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